where am i from again
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
