I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
