yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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