You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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