I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
birth control should be required to get into college
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
