I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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