I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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