It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
foreskin is a definite game changer
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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