did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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