I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
