So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
