Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
