Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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