i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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