It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We left an ass print on the piano.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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