I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
