you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
