Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
