Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
