He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
