I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
