I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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