what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
