before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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