Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
