We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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