i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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