I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
