i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
