now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
