She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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