I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize