You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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