You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
