Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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