I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
