...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
