They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
