About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize