I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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