I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
