conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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