Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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