He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
