my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize