I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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