Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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