I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
