all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
