Betty ford says i'm here all night
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
