i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
