I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
