he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
