moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
