her vagina looked like bernie madoff
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My breasts were aching with rage.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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