Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
