My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
