I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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