Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
babies were throwing up all over the place
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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