it was like eating out sand paper
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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