So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
