And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize