at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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