Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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