oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
