Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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