i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
