apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
