I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
