I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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